The Daily Unwind

2004-07-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't been anywhere near here for ages it would seem. You'd think with a premium domain name like this I'd take care of it or something but posting blog entries has been very much in the too hard basket for a long time.

I have this vague memory of a missing post: I staggered to bed very drunk one night, woke up the next morning to find a screen full of stuff I typed but never posted. I remember thinking, shit, I'm glad I never posted that. I haven't posted since though so the question is, why did I blog to begin with? Same reason I do pretty much everything else I guess. To see what will happen. What will happen?

A couple of people who should know better have asked me if I was gay this year. I wonder if it was because of the blurb in the top left? Heheheh, suckers. I had a feeling that might happen.

Nothing else has happened though, surprise. Frankly everything I wrote on here before is, what's the word... tepid? What the fuck kind of name is the daily unwind anyway? Anything else would have been better. Is Strictly Sideways taken? How about Hammer and Thongs? I need to think of a Very Clever Name. Expect a total delete and remake soon.

2003-08-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dis connection is da blurst connection

It seemed to me that no one really understood what anyone else was saying. It still does. We are locked up in our heads with our ideas: memories, longings, aspirations, disappointments, dreams. We try to explain. We fail. This disconnect is so dependable it has become our closest bond.

2003-08-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

Ugliest. Plane. Ever.

2003-07-28T03:05:00.000-07:00

Jesus, was it really the first of june when I blogged last? There are no excuses for that, but it does give me an idea how crazy work/(I) has been for the last seven weeks.

Now I'm in Bendigo and frankly there is fuck all to do here but blog. I can't even get email. Why? Glad you asked.

Half an hour before I left Adelaide I decided I'd need a copy of the application I'm working on on my laptop. Only a couple of hundred meg free on the windows partition so of course the logical thing to do was delete the linux partitions and put the thing on there. Wonderful, there it all is.

Got a cab to the airport, got on the $80 virgin blue flight which was great except for the landing that stretched those big shock absorbers to their limit. Got off the plane in Melbourne knowing I was staying only a minute's walk from Spencer St station. No cash so I went looking for an ATM. No card. Say again? No card in my wallet. Check the pocket, check the bag, check the shirt, sorry, no dice. No card and no cash could spell trouble.

Hmm.

OK, still got the business visa. All is not lost, catch a cab to the hotel, airport to city $43. Plus the toll mate, $47.50. No worries, 11pm and still got work to do so I get out the comp and hit the button.

Booting... booting...

GRUB

No more booting.

Ah, yes, all the boot information was on the Linux partition I deleted wasn't it? Then it got crappy....

2003-06-25T12:31:00.001-07:00

Googling

You'll see a lot of bloggers obsessing about how highly they rank in various aggregators and search engines, especially google. This is perfectly understandable given that a web site needs hits, and google probably generates more hits for most sites than the rest of the web put together.

It's not uncommon to see excited hollering along the lines of, "I'm the no. 4 Gregory and the no. 8 Legendary! Long live the legacy of the Legendary Gregory!!!!"

I doubt I will ever experience this joy.

Go and do a google seach on Simon Lake. You'll see millions of results, almost none of which have anything to do with me. You see, it turns out that a certain other Simon Lake invented the goddamn submarine! The man has streets named after him. Schools. Theatres. For fuck's sake, there is a navy destroyer called the USS Simon Lake.

I will never be no 1 on google.

2003-06-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Amongst the veterans of this here Internet, guys like me are called 'lurkers'. You know how sometimes you join a mailing list or a chat room and it says there are 200 registered users but you only see 20 people talking? Those 180 missing souls are the lurkers. They hang by in the digital shadows and have a good look at what everyone else has to say but for whatever reason they don't deem it necessary or useful to post their own views. Sometimes it's probably a good thing, but we'll never know.

Until this week I was, in the blog world, a lurker. I've read so many brilliant things in the last year or two but I've hardly ever left so much as a 'lol' let alone a carefully considered comment worthy of the original post. Leave comments, people. Not here I mean (wait till I get round to getting a comments section up :) ), but every time you read anything that was worth the pixels it was written on. This is what will increasingly create the momentum that makes the world go round.

I know I promised something about the P800 but that will have to wait. I'm too tired. I just watched England snatch defeat from the jaws of victory after having the Aussies on the ropes at 8-135 with 70 to get. With a world record winning streak and national pride at stake Michael Bevan stepped up once again to steer us home, hitting the winning runs with two balls to spare. Man of the moment Andy Bichel followed up his insane bowling display of 7-20 with a classic tail-end knock of 34 desperate runs. Look out Dizzy, you're odds on to be carrying drinks for the rest of the tour after that one buddy!

2003-06-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

Getting it all wrong...

... at 300km/h. Jensen looks to be ok despite getting banged around a bit and spending the night in hospital, but with any luck he'll be OK for today's racing in the world's sexiest city. I'm going to have to get myself to a Monaco Grand Prix before I get too old, but tonight I'm going to be content watching it on the telly.

2003-05-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

One awesome thing about owning a turbocharged car is you drive it around all summer smirking quietly to yourself about how satisfyingly quick it is, then it's winter and the air gets all nice and cold and suddenly one night you put your foot down and you have about 30% more grunt than you had a month ago. Just in the last week I've found myself raising my eyebrows several times due to catapaulting forwards and/or sideways a touch quicker than I was expecting. That's a good thing, however, and leaves me wanting for more.

On the subject of cars, if you haven't seen it the new ad (ok it's old now) for the Honda Accord is something very special. A couple of hundred takes went into making it but it was worth it.

2003-05-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a blur. I got me some free time tonight and what did I do? I watched [i]Armageddon[/i]. What kind of dreck was that? After I watched it I had to take a shower it was so filthy. The only thing that prevented it from being the worst two hours of my life was Liv Tyler.

Speaking of filthy movies, I met Dirty Larry this week. Dirty Larry drives a van full of porn. I've never seen a van full of porn before, nor have I bought porn before, but I was so impressed I bought this DVD porn and brought it home expecting to be able to fire it up on the PS2, but no. All I got was a flickering mess. What is that, region locking? Is that how it works? Disappointing, I had to watch it on the computer. All I can say is there is some really terrible porn in the world.

Also today, just to completely change the subject again, slashdot has an interview up with Fyodor, the maker of nmap, which is most definitely worth a read. If you're not a 1337 |-|4x0r you may not know of nmap, but it's basically the world's most popular network scanner. Millions of security geeks around the world lost their shit in the last few weeks when they noticed that Trinity used nmap to find an exploit in the power grid computer during [i]The Matrix Reloaded[/i].

God, did I write this two days ago and leave it in my browser unposted? It looks like it.

2003-05-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Martin Rees, Astronomer Royal, has offered a brilliant layman's commentary on the current state of all the important and exciting branches of science. Definitely worth a read if you're interested in the future.

2003-05-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

The Modern Insanity

Went to JOHO via doc, specifically his Special Matrix Issue where he first ponders the meaning of the virtual existence, vis-a-vis his current experience of having web-friends versus rl-friends, then goes on to talk about the we-may-all-be-living-in-a-simulation theory as proposed by Nick Bostrom, among others.

He proceeded to shoot down the probability of this theory, the money quote being:

Why bother even thinking about it? Writes Bostrom:

Properly understood, the truth of (3 [The probability that we are living in a simulation approaches certainty]), although intellectually intriguing, should have no tendency to make us "go crazy" or to prevent us from going about our business

Thanks, Dr. Nick! But it's not my mental health that I'm worried about. Bostrom believes the odds are quite good that his life is a mere simulation being controlled by creatures from the future. Now that's crazy. It's what Kierkegaard calls "objective madness." But no less mad.

I'm not just name-calling. There is the logical possibility that I'm Amanda Fishfry, but that's not a probability. There's a logical possibility that I'm a simulation, but there isn't a reasonable probability. Not being able to tell the difference is the modern insanity.

The Pope seems to be reasonably sure that his life is controlled by a guy living on a cloud who gets angry at people when they don't use a condom, and won't let them into heaven if they don't. More than half the world lives by a similar concept to some degree, so who's insane?

All those people who prayed before they went to bed tonight believe that their actions are being watched by some higher power, who can intervene as he or she pleases. Maybe I'm missing the point here, but I can't see the distinction between the two. A universe created by god on one hand, or a simulation created by an Architect on the other. Hmm. I don't read enough of Dr Weinberger to know what his stance is on religion, but I'd be surprised if he were to say he thought they were two completely different things. They're not, at least from the only point of view we will ever experience. Maybe he just doesn't want to come right out and call 80% of America insane. Dr Nick, well hey, call him whatever you like.

Personally, I am fascinated by the possibilities that our understanding of physics present in terms of the relevance of the existence of an entire universe outside our little planet, and an entire history of time before and after our little periods on earth. Fascinated, yes, but not preoccupied. Technological advancement to a point where some level of transhumanism takes place, within our lifetimes, is inevitable. That in itself makes our time, right now, very special compared to any other time in history. But until it happens it's just a matter of placing yourself in a position, financially and emotionally, such that when it does happen it affects you in the most positive way, i.e. living well.

However there is one thing that would turn all of this kind of thinking upside-down, and that's if we made contact with an intelligent extra-terrestrial civilisation. If we did all happen to be living inside a simulation and the person running it wanted to make it interesting, that's what he'd do, surely. Think about that... :)

2003-05-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen The Matrix Reloaded then don't follow this link.

If you have seen it and you were fascinated by its symbology and you've been walking around saying very clever philosophical things about the meaning of this or that scene, prepare to be out-philosophised. Corporate Mofo presents the most high-brow deconstruction of the movie to date.

2003-05-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

SonyEricsson P800

I've had one of these since January and there is no doubt it is the best phone on the market today if you need a touch screen, bluetooth and a digital camera. Actually it is still the only phone with this combo of features right now. If you bought one, congratulations, wise choice sir. If you bought a Nokia 7650, well... ahem. You do need to be a very organised and reasonably clever person to get the most out of it, but if you weren't you wouldn't be here, would you?

If you do happen to have one there are some invaluable resources floating around the net:

Sony Ericsson Australia

All the latest official software from the source, and an incredibly useful 'Configurator' that sets your phone up for SMS, MMS and Email straight off the web, for all three networks. Nokia should take note, this is an awesome feature.

Forums

Two in particular are streets ahead, search here for anything worth knowing about the P800:
My-Symbian.com (their files section also contains every single demo/freeware app/game made for the P800)
Esato.com

Cracked Full-version software

I'm going to hell anyway, so I might as well point you to the warez. You need to be a member of Yahoo Groups:
P800_0days (search for other P800 groups, there are already heaps)

Filez galore

This guy has put together a nice collection of goodies, notably including a bunch of mp4 videos compressed especially for the P800's screen.

The latest firmware update is R2D, if you don't have this yet get yerself to a SonyEricsson Authorised Repairer and grab it. New features include widescreen pictures/movies/browsing and a night-mode for the camera.

2003-05-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. I saw The Matrix Reloaded, and although it wasn't one of those movies that you see and then feel as though your life is forever changed (My Life as Dog was one of those for me, Pi was very close to another), it rocked. Hard.

It's pretty slow for the first, what, 30-45 minutes, then it's non-stop crazy action. I'm going to have to see it again to sort out all of the finer philosophical points out in my mind, but my feeling is that at least three quarters of the world's population will enjoy or at least be impressed by this movie and you, yes you are one of them. Get there!

On an unrelated topic James Lileks cracked the blog jackpot today in my opinion.

2003-05-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Curiosity got the better of me so I looked up that Michael J Fox movie with the bus engine. It was High School USA.

I think I saw it when I was 6 or something so I'd forgotten about the greatest thing: Todd Bridges and Dana Plato are both in it! I believe they tried to get Gary Coleman but couldn't meet his demands for monkeys and hookers so they cast Bob Denver instead. Mr Drummond was unavailable on account of being a moth-eaten old goat.

Yesterday I bailed on the Windows Server 2003 launch, today I'm going to give the AMD gold certification seminar a miss too. It's 7:33 now and it starts at 8, but I haven't slept for... I can't remember. Too much to do. Somehow blogging doesn't seem as bad as your average procrastination, but it is, so enough out of me. Maybe today we'll get lucky and hear from Cal. He tells me he hasn't blogged recently due to the SARS, but they might let him out of the isolation chamber for a few minutes today so fingers crossed.

2003-05-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

2003-05-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

If I could live a few dozen different lifetimes and have a go at a few different careers, one thing I'd spend a life on is fusion research. It's clear that technology is much more likely to be the world's saviour than any humanitarian breakthrough on the horizon, and in my mind, fusion power will be the catalyst that takes the planet, and the human race, to the next level.

Silly hypothetical: Would the war in Iraq have happened if there was no need for oil? More to the point, would Saddam's regime have existed in the first place? It's almost a given that half of the Middle East will hit the financial ropes when fusion power becomes a reality. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? For 99% of the population it'll probably be the same I guess.

It looks like we'll get to find within our lifetimes. Last month Sandia Labs produced neutron radiation from a tiny bit of deuterium in their Z machine (with speccy photo). This reactor design is unique in that it is not a tokomak, and it seems to be doing the trick so far.

The initial fusion reaction in these labs is produces by lasers, frickin lasers, and the Uni of Rochester has just announced that they will build a petawatt laser later this year that will be the world's most powerful until Lawrence Livermore build a $3.5 billion dollar, 1.8 megajoule jobby about five years from now (btw, that is fucking huge).

From time to time I've imagined what it would be like sitting in the lab waiting for the thing to warm up, there would probably be a droning hum from the capacitors that would build up to a wall-shaking shriek (I mean 1.8 megajoules, that's a lot of stored power), six or seven guys with freaky hair in white lab coats would be craning forward, anxiously watching the numbers build up on the control panel, then the head guy would casually say something like, "Put your sunnies on boys," a few seconds before he hits the red button, releasing a small sun's worth of pent up energy in an instant. What would it sound like? A massive crack? A Star Wars-style peeeuuwww maybe? I dunno, but jeez that would be a satisfying feeling being in that room.

Then, if it was a movie, it would be night time and they'd pan to a long horizon-shot of the labs, and all the lights in the city in the background would flicker and die before coming back to life sector by grid sector a few seconds later.

For no particular reason that reminded me of my seven-year-old schoolboy-fantasy of being the cool guy in My Science Project when they accidentally release the time travel device's electrical soul into the power lines and he has to beat the ligtning bolts back to town. What does he do? He gets in his car, which he very affectionately calls his 'Goat', and burns off, soon drawing level with the electrical storm traveling down the overhead wires. Oh no, he's not going to make it you say! But his passenger knows the score. "Punch it man, punch it!" he urges, so the cool guy reaches down, flips the top off the military-style safety switch and hits the button (close-up) which fires up the supercharger sticking up out of the bonnet (another close-up). It winds up, and they fucking belt away at like 300mph according to the speedo (money close-up), causing a million adolescent male viewers to lose a load right there and then. It was Nick Cage in The Fast and the Furious, except eighties and therefore way cooler. I swear it was even better than when Michael J Fox had to win a grudge-match car race to get the girl, so he put the bus engine in his shitty old Dodge and beat Ray-Ban-Aviator-wearing Anthony Edwards in his targa Porsche.

2003-05-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Had a read of the bleat today as I do most days, and for the first time ever I have to take issue with him. Apparently the man does not like Edward Norton.

James, have you seen Fight Club? How about Primal Fear? American History X maybe? Calling him "David Spade's confused, resentful brother" is like saying that Denzel Washington is Chris Rock's weedy, bootlicking cousin. That is all I have to say about that.

Red Dragon was a pretty decent movie, but I have to say I was expecting more. It wasn't particularly intellectual, there was no big twist, and Anthony Hopkins wasn't quite as psycho as I remember him in Silence of the Lambs. Still, I don't think I would have preferred Hannibal - apparently in one scene the evil guy removes the top of a guy's head, fries up pieces of his brain and feeds them to him. Yummy. With all due respect, I think I would prefer to watch something else.

I'm starting to get so excited about The Matrix Reloaded that I can barely keep my pants on. May 15th, wooohaaa.

Then I got on a completely different train of thought and read that at 4am the day the bombs started falling on Baghdad, Qusay Hussain showed up at the bank with a letter from Daddy saying please can we have one billion dollars in cash. So they loaded it into trucks and took it. Can you believe that? They didn't have a frickin laser pointed at the place or anything.

What strikes me most about that is that a great many of the people I saw opposed to the war were the same kind of left wing pseudo-revolutionaries (not that there's anything wrong with that) that abhor the very notion of a government office holder spending $500 dollars of taxpayers money on getting a new desk for his office. On the other side of the world there is a place where a single family can piss away a third of their country's entire cash reserve on 'entertainment' that would make you and I sick while hundreds of thousands of children apparently die of starvation. I don't have words to describe my utter frustration with people who a) would violently protest any attempt by John Howard to request a free $10 note from a bank, but nevertheless think b) that there is a place in the world for this kind of regime and the United States made a mistake removing it, and to top it off, c) blame the US for the starvation problem in the first place.

Speak to the hand biatches, you's trippin.

2003-05-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Web Fire Escape

Worried you'll get fired for reading too many blogs while you're supposed to be working? In an emergency, click on the link to the left to save your ass. Click on the link above to set a default escape location. My guess is you'll be seeing this around the net a lot.

Crappy old idea, genius execution.

2003-05-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

I've seen some funny stuff on the net this week. This is gold. Also!

2003-05-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

I saw Spider the other night. Do you dig Ralph Fiennes? I do. Funny thing is, now that I have a look at his filmograohy I realise he has been nothing for a long time. Strange Days (95)? Awesome. The English Patient? Okay he didn't exactly make the movie but, Very Nice! Then what?

Well ages ago hot chick asked me if I'd come to see Donnie Darko. Sure! Crazy movie, struck a chord, very nice. Guy came and asked if we'd be up for Spider. No doubt. K-man was up for it too. My diagnosis: wants to be art-awesome, but ralph never says a normal word and no actor actually does anything rad. The movie consists almost entirely of dialogue driven by spastics. No, really, it is. Is that your kind of movie? Me neither.

That said, it wasn't a complete waste of time. Just strange.

2003-05-01T10:50:00.000-07:00

Did you watch Law and Order SVU?

If you didn't you have no one to blame but yourself. That show is the shizzit. Yeah, I know, there's 24, and Blue Heelers and Home and Away but this show is as 1337 as it gets. I love it.

2003-04-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while. The stats tell me 100 of you obviously wonderful and intellectual people have passed through these pages this month and what have I given you? Nothing. Callen has been punching out donuts too. It's not that we don't love you, it's just that we have been busy wrapping Roy Orbison entirely in Glad Wrap.

I had been meaning to blog the Brazilian Grand Prix because, honestly, it was the greatest motor race of this century until Aussie Mark Webber, who had qualified fifth and was in the points, had a huge shunt coming into the home straight on lap 53 leaving pieces of Jaguar all over the track. Fernando Alonso hit one of his severed wheels at about 200 kays a few seconds later, destroying his Renault. This brought out the red flags signalling a premature end to the race, with Giancarlo Fisichella the clear winner of his maiden victory.

On his way to the podium the F1 suits changed their minds giving the win to Kimi Raikkonen, then a week later they changed their minds back again. Go Fisi.

Then it all started to go downhill for motor racing. A couple of weeks later Daijiri Kato put his MotoGP bike into the wall at Suzuka and fell into a coma. His baby daughter had been born earlier in the week which just made it all the more tragic when he later died. Then Possum Bourne, kiwi-born honorary Aussie rally champion had a head-on collision with another driver while both were marking out the course for the Race to the Sky in (world's greatest city) Queenstown, NZ. After 11 days on life support his family today decided to pull the plug. This shit is just not right, especially when idiots like me who think we're Possum Bourne end up hitting stuff well north of 150 and walk away with light bruising. No more of that, although I did have a crack at a couple of Adelaide's premium driving roads tonight in respectful memoriam.

On a lighter note I happened to switch over to 9 tonight to find out Molly Meldrum Wants to be a Millionaire (for charity). Fucking champion. He won $500k for homeless kids and hated every second of it. Turns out that he'd stayed off the piss for four days in preparation but honestly people, whatever it is he's been on for the last 20 years, I don't want any. He shook like an autumn leaf from start to finish, and at one point I thought his neck was going to crumble into to grey powder sending his wrinkled prune of a noodle to bounce around Eddie's feet, staring up at him with an expression of unadulterated terror. Absolutely brilliant you were, you crusty legend.

So he hit Packer for a shitload of cash (apparently chevon is meat of a goat, thanks Red) and then Toni Pearen came on. Ahh, Toni. Has there ever been a more beautiful woman on Australian television? If you said yes, come here and say that you heathen. I will argue my point vigorously. Turns out that she's not completely abreast of international current affairs but neither would I be if I could lead the life that she does. Coolest chick of all time. (mmmm... abreast.)

Then we got Dame Edna. Die you filthy relic of a forgotten psyche. Also, Nick Giannopolis, I like you man. You're a funny bastard and smart. But what were you thinking trying all your old tricks opposite straight-laced Eddie, on the same show where the entire crowd had just caught Molly fever? The game was lost, that's why they also put on
the red Wiggle to mop up the sentimental geek vote at the end.

While I'm on the subject, if you ever read this Kevin Sheldrick, gutsy stuff man. You were a fucking champ and I had you pegged for the quarter mil but there you go. Italy, eh?

What I'm listening to: Lenny Kravitz, Mama Said. Contains gems such as Always on the Run ("My Mama said that it's good to be factual"), The Difference is Why, and What the Fuck are we Saying? (It's a lie and it's a scam / They wind us up, put us down, and watch us go).

Do you like this blog? Would you like to download MP3's from here? I would like to give them to you. In 9 hours from now, in fact, I will be negotiating with the gruff-sounding Lisa from Optus for a very lovely corporate internet plan. Wish me luck. Leave comments. I need free gigabytes and I believe that with enough of your good karma flowing my way I can make it happen.

Anyway, where the crap are you Cal? Write some shit.

2003-04-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Are you looking for pure comedy genius?

Then stop looking for it is upon us.

Hello, and welcome to my homepage. My name is Ulrich Haarbürste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film.

2003-04-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

One web guy who I really respect, not only for his writing, but also for his brilliantly simple retro-tech web design spawned from a meticulously acquired collection of thousands of old books and magazines is James Lileks.

His Daily Bleat is just eloquent, subtlely opinionated sense, carefully columnised for your weekday pleasure.

Friday's contained something I hadn't seen anywhere else (I mean, who watches television for anything other than sport?) and James is right. The American culture, distilled into its constituent parts, was shouted with joy by a liberated Iraqi as the tanks rolled by his home. Three words. They're probably the only three English words the guy knows, but that in itself is telling.

"Democracy, Whiskey, Sexy!"

Not a bad combination all things considered. For all the many faults that people around the world attribute to the United States, at least these three words are in reasonably stark contrast to what I imagine is Saddam's own mantra:

"Abuse, Oppression, Mine!"

2003-03-30T10:16:00.000-08:00

How brilliant is this for an excuse?

$800 to $350million in two weeks. Did you have inside information? Yes, I'm from 250 years into the future.

2003-03-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

With all due respect to the fixation, the next girl i fall in love with
will be one that likes me to drive her car fast. not all the
time of course, but when the mood calls for a touch of
adrenaline.
It will be with a girl who's younger than I am.
It will be with a girl who's not afraid to play the Cambridge
Springs defence.
It will be with a girl who appreciates the benefits of getting
sideways
out of shape. And gathering it up.
It will be with a girl who is not afraid to state in
no uncertain terms
what she wants
and how I should give it to her
and ask me what i'd like
on thursdays.
It will be with a girl who looks around and sees so many
people doing things the way she wouldn't.
It will be with a girl who likes to stay up late
or go to bed early
or whatever. It's only tomorrow.
It will be with a girl who wants me to live somewhere,
someplace else.
It doesn't matter if she's already there.
It will be with a girl who knows who Optimus Prime is,
and thinks it's hilarious he's alive and fighting.
It will be with a girl whose instinct is not to cover up.

2003-03-30T07:13:00.000-08:00

via the Agonist, Optimus Prime has his own weblog!

Man this guy is a freak.

2003-03-29T07:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that, like, nobody can spell weird? Or definitely?

It's definately wierd.

2003-03-28T06:23:00.000-08:00

Kim Jong Il's hilarious LiveJournal via Metafilter:

Dear diary. Bush still doesn’t ‘get it.’ I tried making my feelings clear but he’s too busy ignoring me, he is such a jerk. Everything in his life is just Saddam, Saddam, Saddam and I am sick of it.

On the plus side, I think my hair looked pretty good today. Also I went frolicking at Paektu Mountain and the rainbow came out again. After dinner some of my subjects sang me a song because I invented Outer Space.

2003-03-28T06:01:00.000-08:00

Only in America (via wkyc):

CUYAHOGA FALLS -- A member of Ohio's 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name to a Transformers toy.

Optimus Prime is heading out to the Middle East with his guard unit on Wednesday to provide fire protection for airfields under combat.

Read the rest of it - some people are too weird for this world. And there's more: he bears more than a passing resemblance to Beavis. Or is it Butthead? Oh stop it's too funny.

2003-03-27T17:51:00.000-08:00

Only in Australia (via yahoo):

PERTH, Australia - A dog saved its kennel mate from a shark attack at a beach in Broome, the pearling port in Western Australia's far north, police said.

A shark more than two metres (6.5 ft) long attacked the first dog at Gantheaume Point, a spokesman said on Thursday.

He said a man walking along the beach with his fiance saw a shark drag one of their dogs -- swimming at the time -- under the murky water.

Their other dog, on the shore when the shark struck, raced into the water and attacked.

Both dogs emerged unscathed from the surf, police said.

2003-03-27T05:16:00.000-08:00

Can you remember where you saw that first link that put you on the road to reading blogs? Writing a blog?

Those first steps are a touch hazy for me, but I'm pretty sure I followed a news item from zdnet to something Dan Gillmor had written about the subject. I'd probably be able to find the exact column if I could be stuffed, but eh, another day.

From there I found blogger, and probably the good doctor. His blogroll is a mile long and even though I think I've read them all, about the only one I keep coming back to is rageboy. Dunno why exactly, but I think it's because he gives the impression of being a raving lunatic. A superbly articulate, impossibly well read and depressingly intelligent guy, but a nutbag all the same.

At least that's the impression you get.

Not true of course, but some of the baby grand blues stuff he's been churning out recently has struck a major chord with me. A fifth even :) The man seems to be very, very bitter about some shit that went down with a woman. Not recently either, although it may have been a recent event that triggered it. No, he's talking about stuff that happened in 1981.

If there's one thing in life that I'm sure about it's this: I don't ever want to find myself thinking tortuous thoughts about shit that happened twenty years ago. That's a tortuous enough thought just by itself.

The antithesis of this is the non-stop-fun, no regrets chopper pilot we all know as tony p. Regular readers will know that I refer to him as the Soul Master of Blogs. I swear one day tony, if you keep linking me like you did today (thanks~!), I'm going to send you a great big belt buckle that says SMoB, J Brown style.

One day early in my blog adventures I followed a link from the busblog that said something about a fat sarah. I still visit her site too because the stuff that she churns out every day warms my heart, and believe me it's cold down there. Seriously people, go and check out some of her archives. That there is a girl with the right attitude to succeed, and do it happily. If only I were 90 years younger :)

Oh god it's midnight and I have way too much work to do, so enough rambling. Goodnight Australia!

2003-03-27T04:00:00.000-08:00

Via the command post, just found a great collection of everything you want to know about where-when-who battle facts.

2003-03-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

There are some science facts that every man should know:

When I buy a pint of Guinness there is no doubt the liquid is black. Yet the bubbles that settle on top, which are made of the same stuff, are white. The same is true of many types of beer. Why?

2003-03-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

Very Awesome Thing Award of the week goes to the recently developed metamaterial whose unique properties allow it to be made into a flat lens that focuses light. Umm.. that's against the laws of physics, I hear you cry. That light must be breaking it's speed limit!

I don't understand it either, but apparently they have found a way. If true, this means that the optical performance of just about everything that relies on lenses could shortly improve by a factor of ten. I'll be pre-ordering my 50 megapixel digital camera and my 10Gbps fibre switch next Thursday.

2003-03-25T07:50:00.000-08:00

Umm.. I take it all back about the GPS location here. Just checked again and it looks like my little Magellan wasn't updating.

The last few days in sport have been pretty interesting. The biggest news was Australia winning the world cup by a big, big margin, smashing India to pieces. I went out to the Adelaide street circuit on Sunday to watch Mark Skaife win another Clipsal 500, then fell asleep watching the Grand Prix in Malaysia where Kimi was the eventual victor.

I've been trying to keep in touch with the war, but it's a pretty futile thing to do really given that anything we hear is what the chiefs want us to hear. Nevertheless the best internet coverage I've found is at the command post. Interesting, and at times cutting, commentary comes from Andrew Sullivan. I'm not by any means pro-war, I think it's fair to say nobody is pro-war, but I am certainly pro-liberation. The links above reflect my particular slant, so if you'd prefer an anti-war angle go check out the BBC or go to a rally or something.

Where do you get those little blog-mood-markers from? If I could be buggered looking for them, I'd probably put one up that says mood: subdued, with masked undertones of exasperation and disbelief. Do they have one of them?

2003-03-21T07:35:00.000-08:00

Just got my GPS unit out a little while ago and looks like the geourl boys have misplaced Adelaide by about 130km, which makes everyone appear to be a long way away.

I'll drop them a line soon, but right now... too lazy. Letterman's on in 10.

2003-03-21T07:32:00.000-08:00

Lovely quote I just saw:

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war.

Anyone have a source for that?

2003-03-19T05:23:00.000-08:00

Jeez Cal, it was butt! You have a butt that just won't quit.

I had a pretty tame St Paddy's, got home from work and someone asked if I wanted to go to the pub. Sure, I said. It was his birthday too! What are the odds?

Got there, had an $8.50 counter rump and a couple of beers, then found out a camera crew was on its way. I thought, finally! Word of the blog has reached the mass media! Silly me. Turns out that the owner of the pub is called Kerno. His brother is SA and Carlton champion of champions, Stephen Kernahan.

His brother in law proposed recently, and the celebration was that night. Like me you may well ask why? What is the significance of the day, and why bring a TV crew to the pub?

This guy wasn't content with the get down on one knee and will you be my wife business, no, that would be too normal. The nutbag actually proposed to his fiancee while answering the $32,000 question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! She said yes, he threw in a couple of good answers, and walked away with sixty grand and a wife. Nice work fella. That's how people should live their life.

Good things happened over the weekend:

The Crows won the Wizard Cup! Yay!

The Aussies are through to the World Cup final! Yay!

Also, other things happened, like we're 12 hours from being at war. It's not like how they used to do it in the old days.

2003-03-18T17:18:00.000-08:00

wow. st Patrick's day over and I still have a headache. it seems that the 13.7% of irish blood in me takes over at this time every year, taking my body and mind on a 24 hour bender that just won't quit. (as in simpsons.."you have an ass that just won't quit") It all started off innocently enough with a few Guiness' at the gaelic club. a mate of mine, who is well irish, has his birthday on st patrick's day..(every year too- a weird anomoly) so we had to have a couple. we just had too. Luckily i had the forethought to take tuesday off, allthough i wish i had had the forethought to take today off too, but i guess you would have had to wait til tomorrow to read this shit. see- work is good for something.
It got to about 8pm and we had had a good couple of hours drinking when the group came to the conclusion that it would be a lot of fun to hook up some pingers. yes- it's monday. yes- it's technically a school night. yes- ummm. well maybe not a great idea but hey- i'm sure the good saint would want us to have fun! anyway, an hour later and we were dancing the irish jig with some slappers on the dance floor. that soon ended, the other half devoured, and some shit band came on. luckilly the mental state was allowing me to enjoy the mainsteam ROCK. I had a few girls ask me about my celtic football strip- it seems a great way to meet girls! by 11 the whole place was poleaxed, with the irish slappers living up to their stereotype of getting looser the longer the night goes. weirdly, on the gear i have no desire to get any action, well not until the end of the night when i figure that the fun has run out. We decided that we would find somewhere a little more conjusive to pilling, so pulled the pin and took off into the city centre. we stopped on the way in a park, and waited for one of the girls to empty her belly over as lovely array of flowers. somehow an hour passed while we sat and talked- mostly inane shit- and chain smoked. we then took off to a pub called scruffy murphy's. this is possibly the dodgiest of all irish pubs in sydney. a perfect meat market but large enough to make your own fun. we walked up to the door where a large, balding, fat bastard said i was too drunk to come in. oh the irony! I could see 117 blokes struggling to stand up through the door, but i was too drunk to get in!! he obviously didn't understand the culture of partying! there was no way i was too drunk- i was completely off my head..maybe my golfball-like eyeballs and intelligent conversation were scaring him...
so took off up the road to find another pub- myself, a girl form work, and gay friend of a friend. we pulled up at the bar to find my flatmate and 3 mates from adelaide coming out. now that is weird. in a city of 4 million people, with no idea that the other is out, and we happen to run into each other at 2:30am outside one of 76000 pubs in sydney. we talked for a while before i realised that i was merely entertaining them with drug induced dribble, so promptly did a runner to the bar for a quiet guiness. oh i love that drink!.

WALL. i hit it hard about 20 minutes later. suddenly needed rest. got a cab home to find the 3 people i had run into were trying to sleep on the lounge floor. so we had a beer. then bed. then hangover. then recovery.

and here i am, sort of functional. i think...

2003-03-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

I must say that having heard your politics before, I agree that you should keep it to yourself! But enough of the banter...perhaps one should take note of your first quote below.

2003-03-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

Just got reminded of one of my favourite quotes:

It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

I thought that was Mark Twain's, but this source doesn't seem to think so. Another Mark Twain favourite, again poignant in my own life right now:

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

2003-03-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

I'd really like to keep The Daily Unwind non-political. It's a highly political time and everyone has their own opinion, which I'm not going to be able to change with empty words, however every now and again someone puts a little political questionnaire on the web to remind you who you are. I did the quizilla quiz for fun but I'm damned if I agree with the results:

Green - You believe that small economic units should control the goods, and that the government should be permissive of "victimless crimes," respectful of civil liberties and very strict towards big business. You also believe in either a socialist tax structure or more power to local communities. You think that environmental policies should be written into law. Your historical role model is Ralf Nader.

Ralf Nader has proven himself to be a fool once too often for my liking, and a socialist tax structure goes completely against the grain of my being. OK, I'm no good at this it seems. How did you go?

2003-03-13T21:09:00.000-08:00

I love my motor racing (especially speedway) and when checking out the world of outlaws site came across this little accident on the front straight. Have a close look to see just how many cars are involved- and it's not as if they're going at walking speed! Still trying to find some video of it...ouch!

2003-03-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

fark.com has been part of my daily ritual for months. It has just the right combination of big news, small news, weird news, geek news and porn that a guy like me and its other few million readers could want.

Two things on fark especially caught my eye today. The first one was an article about a woman that was denied a promotion at McDonalds. Why? Well, they didn't think she was quite right for the front counter. Follow the link and decide for yourself. I think they had a case, but I don't think her boss had any right to tell her that she might make babies cry. Sad facts of life: blind people make lousy air traffic controllers, deaf people are not ideal for the job of music critic, and quadraplegics are less efficient at laying roof tiles. It's not discrimination! It's about finding your niche.

Then I followed a link to Kate McDowell's weekly column. This week she expounds on how much she enjoys butt sex, and how you can too. You'll enjoy it more if you don't read Callen's "interesting" story below, trust me.

Oh yeah, and one of my personal heroes, Jeff Bezos, walked away from this! It turns out that the pilot of the helicopter also survived another crash last year, and was hijacked at gunpoint the year before that, to assist in a jailbreak. What a decade it's been for both of them :)

2003-03-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

What an amazing world we live in.

If you have a minute, check this out for a bit of a reality. Do you really need that extra donut?

2003-03-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

weirdest thing happened yesterday. I was sitting on my front step having a cigarette when this little old chinese woman walked up to my gate and asked me if I could lend her $50. completely out of the blue. i had no idea who she was. I shook my head. She walked off. I went inside and sat in front of the tele. Our house is the end one in a line of terraces, so we have a side window that comes off our lounge and looks into a little park next to us. Within 10 seconds, the little old lady was at the window. She asked my again through the window! I said no (derr!), so she turned around and literally ran off down the street. bizarre. why couldn't she have been hot? and young? and keen to do anything to satisfy me? ...The world's a crazy place.

I was reading an interesting article on Australian foreign minister Alexander Downer's 'negotiations' with the East Timorese over the Timor gap oil reserves. An interesting study in diplomatic incompetency. The link above is actually the transcript of the meeting. Good to see our neo-colonial masters flexing their muscle over dangerous emerging powers like...umm...East Timor?

Shame to see my boys only draw against Liverpool in the UEFA cup. get the roundup here They'll beat them at Anfield, which will only make it sweeter!
Which reminds me- had better get the old Celtic strip out for St patrick's day- next monday. a guiness or 30 may be required...

2003-03-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

Looks like most of the providers of remote comments have shut their doors to new users. Of the three remaining whose web site is in English I've decided to try out SquawkBox.tv. With any luck, you should be able to leave a comment below.

2003-03-13T03:36:00.000-08:00

For you technophiles, Motorola has got the wearable-connected-by-bluetooth-tech-accessory ball rolling with their Offspring concept.

90% of you sensible people who buy your CPU's from AMD will probably have Via chipsets and hence the new Hyperion driver is for you.

New Beastie Boys track available for free: In A World Gone Mad. Right-click, Save As.

2003-03-12T22:32:00.000-08:00

interesting Simon. I will try to keep the crap stories coming. However, let's not let this forum exist for domestic arguments. It's all about sport and politics- with the occasional fart joke thrown in.
Speaking of, (sport, not farts) i noticed that the Australian cricket team won the 'international sports team of the year' award at the national sports awards last night. I have issues with this for two reasons. The first being how does one compare the quality of teams across the various sports? With so many variables in each sport, comparing the cricket team to say, the rugby league or netball team, is impossible. Things like the calibre of opposition, the amount of games played, and the general stanard the team has achieved over the 12 month period all need to measured. I am just not sure how. Who honestly cares if the cricket team is better than the netball team? It is all very subjective, and lends itself openly to commercial bias. The second problem with this is that the cricket team included a player who was caught for having illegal substances in his system. This seems pretty obvious to me- how can a team be declared the best if it includes cheats? oh well. Our sad obsession with sport is just a smokescreen for our social problems, me thinks.
Alternatively, being the best in the world at sport might just be the catalyst that our brain dead pollies need to excuse themselves from world affairs. we are obviously very crap at that. The condescending, arrogant, ignorant, sexist, xenophobic man we call our PM should stick to what he does best- present trophies after rugby games. I have always thought New Zealanders suffer from delusions of grandeur. Now it seems that it is in fact Australia who suffers this plight. Who do we think we are? The 51st country in terms of population suddenly sees itself as the sherriff's deputy in the English speaking world's imperialist forces. It really is hilarious, if people weren't about to die because of it. with the possible exception of Gavrilo Princip at the beginning of world war 1, I can't seem to find a historical point where one country (or person) cannot see what their actions are about to create. I guess that goes for the US and UK too.
I think that we should focus on sport and being the world's best in each variety. diplomacy and policy are not our strongpoints. Let us gain respect for our prowess on the sporting field, not the killing field.

I also noticed that AMP's CEO has just invested in his own company to try to restore the faith of ther shareholders. Now there's a change. Normally it is the other way around- with the company giving share bonuses and options to execs. It is very interesting turn of events and I suggest that those with an interest in corporate governance keep an eye on this one. We've already had a former chairman forgo his severance payment (of 1.6 million $A), so i would imagine there are a few execs shitting themselves about these incidents as precedent for corporate behaviour. This said, another former AMP CEO has just done a runner with a cool 2.1 mill, so maybe these antics are just part of the current AMP circus. Check out just how much trouble AMP is in here

2003-03-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Some news quickies that have piqued my interest this week:

it's expanding into its own ass!

2003-03-12T20:34:00.000-08:00

OK I guess I asked for that. The blog medium is supposed to empower us all to place our thoughts and opinions where others can read and digest them. We can share news that we find interesting. We can make up little stories that people may find interesting enough to share with others, and hence build up a little community.

We can, apparently, share our shit disaster anecdotes.

Onya Muzza! Way to go mate.

I'm going to stick primarily to ruminating about sport, science, love and life. Callen will attempt to entertain you with tales of the grotesque. I'm sure he has plenty

2003-03-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

I received this from a mate of mine last week. Whilst it may actually seem like a nice little story, I took the liberty of verifying some witnesses to the incident- all of which confirmed the story to be true. Yes, a little disgusting, but highly amusing at the same time. Kind of like a fart in an elevator. The names are irrelevant....enjoy....

just letting you know that a mate of ours did a shit last week on the carpet of
Muzza's house.
He got home so parro from numerous substances that he passed out on a flight of
stairs holding his phone to his ear. Some believe he may have trying to call
himself an ambulance. When other people arrived home a short time later and
found him, they noticed that he had urinated his pants - nothing too wrong with
that.
These helpfull people moved him from the stairs to a matress on the ground, and
removed his soaked pants. They grabbed a pair of Neds trackie pants for him to
wear throughout the rest of the night.
The occupants of the house then slept - apparently! The following morning the
house members were sitting in the living room enjoying a coffee when Muzza
noticed a brown smear on one of the venetian blinds. "What the fuck is that!"
was the call and the house members scurried to have a closer look at the find.
A brown patty was discovered on the carpet, next to numerous venetian blinds
that were smeared with shit.
He denied it, of course, however his case was hamstrung by evidence when asked
to turn around and shit was all over his back, arse, and Neds trackies!!!

2003-03-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Oh God, what have I done?

Excuse my retarded friend here. I gave him a team blog login because he said he could write stuff that was, and I quote, "Funnier and more insightful than tonypierce." Despite that being an outright lie, it appears as though he shares tony's complete and calculated disregard for punctuation,spelling and gramar, which is sure to bring many hits to the site.

So, please, email me or email Callen and tell us how much you would like to take us out and buy us beers and have YOUR story told on The Daily Unwind. It'll be fun!

Last night I found a new favourite news blog. Well, OK, second after slashdot, but I've never thought of slashdot as a blog really. It's so much more.

2003-03-11T20:09:00.000-08:00

ok. a little more time now. am having a rather slow day. I have worked out how to do my job in approximately 34 minutes for evey week attended. this is no mean feat. the ability to avoid both praise and persecution is the key to my life. Presecution is obvious- it's not fun. Praise, however, is often considered a good thing. Wrong. Praise promotes expectation, which in turn leads to persecution. How many times has someone said to you that 'you have unlimited potential, but you just need to do the work...'

It's all crap. Avoiding the P's is the key to a happy life.

That said, I am well bored. the bbc website has this cricket game where you get to be England trying to beat the aussies. Hilarious...mainly 'cos there is more chance of Cuba invading the US than England winning the world cup after being knocked out! There could be a huge drugs bust, that involves all the players of the teams that qualified for the finals, which would reinstate England to the Cup, but hey....
The moral of the story is that I am well good at it. Practice is the key!! it is nice to be able to write shit down and not care whether it is correct or not. I wonder if our great philisopher's had the same mentality, and simply wrote what they thought until it all fell into place for them- not that I am some kind of philisopher- it is just that it is very relaxing.
I am planning to take a month off work soon and travel up the northern NSW coast for a while. do some writing, some photography, some fishing, and some shagging. Rudi mandemaker (my car) will be serviced, the tent dusted off (cos if it rains, it will be muddy..you know, with the dust still on it) the fishing rod oiled (no connotations, please) and the board shorts, well..umm... packed. Lotsa fun me thinks. No one to worry about, no obligations, no cares at all. it may also be a great opportunity to take in a few country racetracks- my other interest. People pay good money to get racing tips from so-called experts that don't win. I can do it for free! I am just waiting on my leave application to be approved, then I'm off to see the wizard. It would be rude not to take some thing to smoke- we don't want those creative talents running too free now, do we? I would like to think that there will be some pretty interesting people along the way, of which i will have to write about. i am already 10000 words into a book about a trip last year. Yeah, really musst write some more....

2003-03-11T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ha! at last a chance to give it to the world. I had better introduce myself, just for good measure. I am a mate of Simon's, having shared more than one ridiculous experience with him. We have known each other for years, and is probably as close to a brother as could have- allthough my sister is increasingly starting to look like she could be my brother.
Enough of that. I can't really afford the time at the minute as i have a meeting to attend, but rest assured I will return later in the day. Last but not least, I will warn you that i have fat fingers courtesy of an intense cricketing period in my life. As a result, they do not always hit the key that my brain is requesting. After many years of this, my brain has now decided to declare war on them. Hence, if there are grammatical or spelling errors it mainly due to my brain seeking revenge on my fingers. I hope you understand this- now that I have told you it is my fingers to blame, my brain doesn't care if there are errors as you all know it is not their fault.
I look forward to a little more fun later....

Simon- that is not edible. Throw it away.

2003-03-11T10:45:00.000-08:00

This time last year I had a friend named Tony Pearce. At around the same time, I read about blogging and I registered blog.com.au. Pretty clever, huh? Would anyone like to buy it for A$3million? The price is negotiable.

I was looking at the blog rankings somewhere back then and I saw this guy at number 6 or something. He was on holiday in Aruba at the time and was crapping on about something and I thought Who the fuck would read this shit?

A few weeks later I was looking for a substitute Tony Pearce so I went back to the Aruba guy, Tony Pierce. He's better when he's not on holiday. As it turns out he makes me want to live in LA so bad, I have to read every day just in case he's offering some free plane tickets. He is the Soul Master of blogs. He needs a belt buckle that says SMoB.

I actually lived in LA for three weeks, spent Christmas there back in 1986. My step-dad had a place on Benedict Canyon Drive, Beverley Hills and worked in the Century City towers. I wish I could have been older than 9 at the time so I could have appreciated it more. Bring me back there Tony, please!

2003-03-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

There's no point pretending I was surprised the Aussies got up by 96 tonight. Brad Hogg had a very disappointing night, but he was bullish about Australia's chances of taking out the cup when interviewed after the game (pictured right).

2003-03-11T03:44:00.000-08:00

Wow. The Kiwis just about had Australia gone for all money at 7-84, but guess who has saved us from the ultimate insult? If you answered MG Bevan and AJ Bichel give yourself a pat on the back. It could have been a lot worse but we ended up with 208. A tough total to defend, but on that wicket anything could happen.

My favourite highlight of the innings? Brett Lee facing Oram with two balls to go, and he absolutely smashed it straight down the ground for six. It sat in the air for several seconds against the cloudless blue sky, which gave Richie Benaud time to pause for dramatic effect before deadpanning, "Don't go looking for that..... unless you're out on the street."

And just for good measure he put the last ball over point for six as well.

2003-03-11T02:58:00.000-08:00

In the real life world that I live in it's a tough thing to admit to, but I'm getting more than a little excited about a MMORPG (that's massively multiplayer online role playing game for the uninitiated) coming out next month called Star Wars Galaxies.

Playing this game is unlikely to be as exciting as, say, meeting the girl you're going to marry, or taking delivery of your new Porsche Carrera GT (both at about level footing), but I think it's going to be a lot of fun. Several hundred times more fun than Grand Theft Auto: Vice City for example.

Later this week there will be an announcement about admittance into the game's final stage of Beta testing so I might be able to give you some news and a little bit of hard info about it. Fingers crossed.

A lot of people in this world have played Everquest, Sony's big-time entry into the online gaming world. I played it for two months. I've heard of people making level 60 in a week, but sadly I was not a hardcore h4x0r, and at the end I only had a lvl 17 Ranger. I caught a ship somewhere and there was one other guy on board so I walked out on to the part that protrudes from the front of the ship (the parapet?), raised my arms Titanic style and shouted, "I'm king of the world!"

Then I walked a millimetre or two further than I intended, fell off the ship and drowned, losing all of the money and possessions it had taken me two months to acquire.

I vowed never to return to Everquest after that. Waste of fucking time.

2003-03-11T02:23:00.000-08:00

Ahahahaa! Just found the most classic thing on boingboing! It's an ad for the new Nokia, but you'd never guess it. You'll want to right-click the link and Save as.

I've gone off Nokia a bit - I have a shiny new SonyEricsson P800 which beats the pants off anything Nokia can produce at the moment. One day I'll get around to reviewing it properly. The phone's Australian release will be some time this month. How do I have one? Don't ask :)

2003-03-10T09:36:00.000-08:00

Some exciting news that the PS3 was coming out this year has been denied by Sony. Several million geeks worldwide receive a simultaneous hope-dashing.

If you have any interest in sexy machines of the roadfaring kind, you should check out these pictures from the recent Geneva Motor Show. I am still deciding which body parts I am willing to trade for the esteemed Carrera GT here. My left eye, right kidney, teeth, and left ball are on offer, and that is negotiable.

2003-03-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

Oh crap. I've had this hotmail account for two fucking years and I just got my first piece of pr0n spam. It's gotta be because of this blog. Mother Faulkner.

2003-03-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

Our Schumi took himself out of the running for the Australian GP in Melbourne today by running over a kerb and smashing his bargeboard. It was flopping all over the place so he was forced to pit in the closing stages, and eventually secured fourth. Then wily Juan Montoya, looking very good in the lead, got it all wrong through turn two with ten laps remaining, and David Coulthard was gifted the win. Montoya second and Raikkonen third.

In the off season I was reading about the new rules and cursing the FIA for fools, but after seeing the race I think they might actually have got it right this year in the interests of bringing us a better show. Today's race was brilliant and I'm really looking forward to the British GP and the end of traction control. The fast life is meant to be taken sideways.

Something else later tonight reminded me of Go With The Flow by Queens of the Stone Age, and I should mention that I have serious regrets about missing the Big Day Out this year which may perhaps have been my last chance to see the Foo Fighters, Jane's Addiction and the Queens live on stage in Adelaide. Certainly there is no way that's going to happen again, at least not on the same day.

Check out these lyrics, this is one hell of a song.

Queens of the Stone Age
Go With The Flow

She said "i'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all"
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out
You won't remember anyway
I can go with the flow
But don't say it doesn't matter anymore
I can go with the flow
Do you believe it in your head?
It's so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
With something sweet to throw away.
But I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
But don't say it doesn't matter anymore
I can go with the flow
Do you believe it in your head?

2003-03-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

It's a geek thing, but it's usually a deeply satisfying feeling to break down a complex idea into really simple pieces and get them all nicely down on paper, or indeed a web browser, where everyone can read it and get their head around it in an Oh I get it kind of way.

I'm not great at this myself, but a master of the art is undoubtably Doc Searls. He and Dave Weinberger have put together a very tidy little what-the-internet-is-and-why-it's-great-and-what-now piece. It's not the end of the world. Nah, it's the World of Ends.

2003-03-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

What's not incredible is that New Zealand batted well to get their 253 in the 48th, defeating Zimbabwe. What is incredible is that this means Kenya is most likely into the semi finals of the Cricket World Cup.

Now, I have seen it all.

2003-03-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

You can stop looking, I found that site. Turns out it was today, March 8, and by some sheer fluke there was a post on fark about it three seconds after my last post. My esp is working reall good today.

If you have 5 minutes to kill you might want to check it out at 8march2003.com. There's a weird sister site thing going on at www.mountainsub.com.

So now we have to wait until April 15 to find out what this strangeness is about.

2003-03-08T07:19:00.000-08:00

Hey does anyone remember that site that was getting around a while back that was marchsomething.com that was about the guy who had apparently uncovered something incredible and was in hiding from the government but was going to reveal his amazing secrets on march fifteenth or something?

Seemed like it was publicity for a book or movie or something but I'd really like to see what happens at the site on the critical date. Please email me.

2003-03-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

Had a great night tonight. Hot chick rang me up, cooked me dinner and took me out to see some beats. Talked some things over. Sometimes it's nice to have friends who are completely honest with you and don't have any motive other than just chilling with you and doing the things that friends do.

Some would argue that to qualify as a friend you have to make the effort and phone once in a while which is a fair call and I'll get to that. On the other hand some guys are just solid good guys and you know they'll always be cool, phone call or not.

A lot of guys, despite appearances, seem to think primarily with their dicks which is a good reason sometimes to have friends that don't have dicks, or have their dicks legally 0wn3d by cool chicks. Sometimes the solid good guys get persuaded to be just a little bit loose. Chemistry is a powerful thing. I've always had a better handle on physics though which I guess is why from time to time chemistry gets the chance to blindside me.

The world's a crazy place, as a wise man has told me many many times.

Better be strong enough to take what's coming, or evasive enough to make like a shepherd and get the flock out of there.

2003-03-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

The first round of the Cricket World Cup is over, and hasn't it been fun! Zimbabwe and Kenya are in purely because the civil unrest in their countries made it too scary for their opponents to come and have a game of cricket. What's with that in 2003? After making some song and dance about it a few months back, the Aussies decided to play and had no trouble at all, on or off the field.

Now, no matter what happens, Australia is through to the semis, but here are my predictions: Australia and India will win all of their games and Kenya will lose all of their games. New Zealand will probably beat Zimbabwe, and if they do, Kenya is through to the semis! That will be the most bullshit achievement in world sport since Steven Bradbury's gold medal. If Zim knock over NZ then they're through. So it will be either Kenya or Zimbabwe that loses to Australia in the semi final.

The Sri Lanka-India clash is going to be as tight as a fish's asshole. Tendulkar vs Vaas. Immovable Object vs Unstoppable Force. My prediction? Tendulakar will come on and take 6-12 off 4 overs and Vass will slap 157 off 120. Hahar. Honestly I wouldn't have a clue, but on Sportsbet you can get $2.20 on Aus-India and $3.35 on Aus-Sri Lanka for the final. I like SL's odds, but I don't think a full-strength India side can be stopped by anyone but the men in green and gold.

I don't mind A Bichel at 9-1 to take the most wickets in the tournament either. What kind of fool selector would put Bracken in instead?

2003-03-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

Brilliant my mysterious friend, brilliant.

2003-03-04T06:12:00.000-08:00

Interesting Cloning News

The US House of Reps has passed a bill for legislation banning all human cloning. Opponents of the bill, sensing defeat, pushed another bill that would allow loopholes for research purposes but this was defeated.

At face value this is craziness. It's inevitable that there will be countries like China who are going to allow cloning in all its various guises, and they stand to gain enormously from it, both economically and culturally. Which means that if this bill passes the Senate, any stakeholders in the technology, be it researchers or those that wish to purchase the fruits of cloning research, will take themselves and their money overseas.

Let me say first of all that that I'm not religious and I don't see that it is ethically wrong either to create clones in general or to create non-sentient embryos for the purpose of research or harvesting organs. That said, there are three separate cloning issues to consider.

First you have research into stem cells and organ growth, which has almost unlimited potential for curing the sick. This, however, involves killing embryos which is an unforgivable sin to the anti-abortion crowd.

Next you have straight out cloning, which will appeal to the gay, infertile and manically egocentric people of the world, but will infuriate the religious crowd becuase it is the creation of unholy life.

But the most promising, scary, and brilliant tangent is rarely talked about. During the process of transferring that DNA from the original cell to the new, fertilized host the DNA must be massaged a little to make it play nice. The thing is, there is nothing at all preventing the DNA from being massaged just as much as the mad professor would like. In 1990 researchers successfully inserted human DNA into a pig cell and grew it to the 32-cell stage. Technically that DNA was 97% human and 3% pig, and that was 13 years ago. This kind of hybid experimentation is almost certainly happening as we speak and it's my opinion that it is inevitable that human clones and even human hybrids will one day be born and raised somewhere in the world, and soon.

I think the American government, with this bill, is trying to avoid some kind of genetic freakshow happening for the first time on American shores. It's not going to be easy to prevent though. Clonaid, while perhaps perpetrating a hoax last Christmas, has the perfect front for this kind of madness if they end up doing it for real. If the law passes the fine for cloning will be a million dollars and up to ten years in jail. That kind of cash is chickenfeed for the Raelians, and how hard can it be to recruit some brainwashed nutcase who is willing to do the time for his true alien masters? They're going to do it, law or no law.

Scary times may be ahead. I predict that if you have a child in 2010 you will have to make the choice: genetically altered or natural. Options might be as simple as eliminating the diabetes and breast cancer risk genes, or you might be able to choose things like hair colour, from genetic material that you have donated.

I wouldn't mind betting that at some point before 2020, if you have the money, you will be able to build your own dream child from the genetic catalogue right down to toe length, voice timbre and facial structure. That, my friends, would be a big industry and I don't think the powers that be in the States, pulling the strings and making the big decisions, are stupid enough to let an industry like that fall through their fingers. It's the fine line between cash cow and circus cow that will be the difficult one to tread.

2003-03-04T05:31:00.000-08:00

For the love of god, why do these things keep happening to me? Can't get past number 1 on my list because the payment page is down. I sent this note to support. Hopefully it will create just the right amount karmic balance to let me upgrade:

Just tried to upgrade to Plus25. The upgrade page has been down for about four days, today it was up and I thought great! Filled everything out but the confirmation page was a 404.

Tried it again but no luck, now it says the thing is down for maintenance again. Could you send me an email please at psi_m0n@hotmail.com and let me know if it went through, and if it didn't could you let me know anyway when it is really truly working and not just serving fakeouts.

Thanks!

2003-03-03T03:51:00.000-08:00

My to do list for this blog:

1. Upgrade to Blog*Spot Plus so I can include self-hosted images and get visitor stats. That way I can see how many of you wonderful people are dropping by!

2. Get comments up and running. That's the second best part of having a blog really.

3. Change the layout. I visited four Aussie Blog sites at random and they all had the same template as mine. That includes one guy's that featured an animated gif of a naked cartoon man pulling his impossibly stretchy dick over and over and over. I don't want to be like that guy.

4. OK there is no number 4 yet because those are my short term goals. I would also like to get an RSS feed going, but a) I don't even have a good RSS aggregator yet and b) I don't have any interesting news to share. Also I don't know much XML. Hell, I only know about four tags of HTML so who am I kidding?

2003-03-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

This just in: Norah Jones is hot.

2003-03-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it? I can't. For the first time in 21 years Letterman has had an unscheduled sick day. Three actually, due to the fact that he has an inflamed problem with his eye that involves pus. In America they call it shingles.

On the first day Bruce Willis was scheduled to be a guest but in true superhero style took over from the Big Man in the chair. And it never made it to TV in Australia. Why? Because we had to watch Sri Lanka's "thriller" of a win over the Windies. Whatever. Bruce Willis is the man though, as you'll agree if you've ever seen him inside or outside a movie. Even a retarded director can make good looking people look good with a script but with these these stars it's always the outside the movie part that's the killer. Out of their natural environment even the most awesome on-screen presences can be turn out to be complete turds. For instance, Harrison Ford? Cocknozzle. Richard Gere? Space cadet. Denzel Washington? Yawn patrol.

Bruce Willis? The fucking MAN! make no mistake.

With a bit of luck the boffins at Channel 9 will fill in the scheduled gaps next week with the shows we missed this week so we can all watch Bruce prove me wrong and make a dick of himself.

Speaking of making a dick of himself, two out of three posts have been about Letterman here, and it's time to make a change for the better. Next episode? The mighty P800.

2003-02-27T11:28:00.000-08:00

Looks like it's still for sale. If you're feeling generous and would like to buy it for me, please email me.

2003-02-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

I've had the blog.com.au domain for, jeez, ages now. Well over a year I guess, which means it's about time to put something on it.

Time to stop being so slack. It's not an easy thing to do though, to put your thoughts in writing where everyone can see them, forever. Especially when there are so many good blogs out there it's difficult for a blog not to be scum. But even scum has a chance of floating to the surface one day and sprouting pretty flowers and being a place where frogs like to sit.

Like, for instance, my favourite purveyors of the blog profession tony and doc. These are guys who know how to write stuff that my kind of people want to read every day.

So blog entry number one. What's going on here? Well, I'm on my sixth beer, it's 2am and not two hours ago I saw a classic Letterman - Steve Martin and the Foo Fighters were on and I have to tell you I couldn't have asked for a better show. Steve Martin is the only guy I've seen that is so funny he makes Dave insecure.

Did any of you see the show where Dave came back after the three week break after heart bypass surgery? He was on fire. He and Regis Philbin brought the house down, then when it was time for the band of the night he was almost in tears when he said, "And here's my favourite band in the world, playing my favourite song in the world, would you please welcome the Foo Fighters!" And they came out and rocked Everlong like nothing has ever been rocked on any stage anywhere perhaps with the exception of some Nirvana concert that I didn't see.

Perhaps it was because I was wasted, perhaps it was because Everlong hits me in all the right places, but that will always stick with me as one of the all time classic pieces of television that I've seen. Unforgettable. So after that whatever they do they will never cease to rock, in my mind. And Steve Martin, despite being from another planet, is the funniest guy of all time. Great show.

My favourite Foo Fighters track isn't Everlong though, it's their cover of Baker Street on the Australian Bonus Disc of The Color And The Shape. The episode of The Simpsons where Lisa gets her sax was on the other night and at the end she plays the Baker Street solo which made me pull my old disc out and have a little listen for nostaligia's sake. It occurred to me that the lyrics are pretty poignant in my life right now, so if you don't mind I'd like to share them with you:

Baker Street
(Rafferty)

(famous sax intro)

Winding your way down on Baker Street,
Light in your head and dead on your feet.
Well, another crazy day, you’ll drink the night away
And forget about everything.

This city desert makes you feel so cold,
It’s got so many people but it’s got no soul,
And it’s taken you so long to find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything.

You used to think that it was so easy, you used to say that it was so easy,
But you’re tryin’, you’re tryin’ now.
Another year and then you’d be happy, just one more year and then you’d be happy,
But you’re cryin’, you’re cryin’ now.

Way down the street there’s a light in his place,
He opens the door, he’s got that look on his face,
And he asks you where you’ve been, you tell him who you’ve seen
And you talk about anything.

He’s got this dream about buyin’ some land,
He’s gonna give up the crack and the one night stands,
And then he’ll settle down, in some quiet little town
And forget about everything.

But you know he’ll always keep movin’, you know he’s never gonna stop movin’,
’Cause he’s rollin’, he’s the rollin’ stone.
And when you wake up it’s a new morning, the sun is shining, it’s a new morning,
And you’re going, you’re going home.